This Fulcrum Insight proposes a searching, meditative, intimate process between you and yourself.
Do you suffer from stress? Do you need to handle stressful situations? It is rare to find someone who does not. In my coaching practice I cannot recall one single client that does not have some form of stress present in their life, because up to a point stress is a necessary part of performing and achieving.
So, we are going to bring out of the developmental toolbox a fundamental tool to handle pressure and stress: Saying ‘no’.
Cutting right to the chase, take a moment to reflect on the following: How much of the excessive kind of stress that may be present in your life is a product of being unable to say ‘no’. Be brutally honest with yourself. Highlight recent examples, or examples from the story of your life so far.
Consider workplace scenarios. There are situations where downsizing lands extra workloads on those who stay on, where suddenly one is tasked to take on extra responsibilities, on top of what is already much to handle. And let us not forget the deadlines syndrome. Life presents us with moments where we find ourselves tasked, directly or by implication, to do the unreasonable, resulting in all manner of physical, mental, and emotional overloads, disrupting the working balances of the sympathetic and para-sympathetic systems, leading to the over-production of stress-response hormones, mental fatigue, and energetic depletion.
And where being able to say ‘no’ – to slam the system overload breaks – can make all the difference. Because when we say ‘no’, the other side of it is empowering a ‘yes’ about what you do want and need to do and stand for. So, saying ‘no’ to secure an intact space for what you can and want to do and deliver, in a multitude of contexts.
So why do so many of us find it so hard to say ‘no’?
Vital Awareness
When we say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, we are primarily talking to ourselves, and through that, to others. And when we address ourselves, what are we meeting? What do you meet in you when confronted with the kind of demand that requires a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response?
Enter gain and loss, which is deeply printed into the human brain. The calculation of gain, the fear of loss. To what degree does the fear of loss decide whether you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’? How strong, how deep, is this influence present in you? To what degree is it of the irrational kind? Shying away from saying ‘no’ – or saying the kind of ‘yes’ that you really do not want to say but witness yourself saying nevertheless – because of the fear of some kind of punishment or judgement?
Inter-personal respect
Developing the inner skills of fashioning and reasoning what one says ‘yes’ to and what one says ‘no’ to, reflect the taskmasters back into themselves and their misplaced reasoning, prompting them to respect those that stand their ground. Communicate a well-reasoned ‘no’, to engender respect while contributing to an enhanced self-confidence and inter-personal communication.
The task is to create clear boundaries for what you say ‘no’ to, and what you say ‘yes’ to, in many contexts, while exercising fearless communication skills. In doing so, your self-respect, personal impact and effectiveness will keep growing, resulting in surprising outcomes.
The universe loves the vibes of resolute humans
With best wishes,
David
World Copyright©David Gommé 2025
